I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
