garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
