Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
