when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
