you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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