Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
