I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
