you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
