I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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