I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
