I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
