She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
