areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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