dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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