i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
