She announced her abortion via fbk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
