either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
