Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
