I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
