Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
