I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well you can't waste a boner
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize