So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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