i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
