There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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