$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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