I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
