Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
