The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
