im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
