hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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