PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im part way to drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
