Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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