you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
