i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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