You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
