Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
