I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
