so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize