I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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