I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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