the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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