So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
