i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
