At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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