so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
