K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
