no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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