he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
