I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
