Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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