You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize