puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
