I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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