Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize