Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm really busy with my period
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
