She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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