He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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