Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
