1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I faked an abortion last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
