I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
