I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
