Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it glows. i had to have it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
