found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
