things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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